You Be iLLin

My girl, Mia, is totally sick. I’m not exactly how she got sick but she’s sounds like me when I’m ill and I don’t mean “ill” in a good way.

Wait, I’m gonna go off on a tangent for a sec. I was gonna post my killer soup recipe that Frippy asked me for but then my thoughts decided to run sideways so you’re coming along for the ride.

When and why did the term “ill” become a way to describe something fantastically awesome? Like the word “sick”. How is it ever a good thing when something’s “sick”?

Maybe it’s the nurse in me talking but here’s what I think of when I hear the words “ill” and “sick”.

ILL

According the Urban Dictionary, (the cousin of my best friend dictionary.com but with much more street cred because he’s urban) says :

A word used to describe something that is both “sick” (amazing) and “chilling” (relaxed). Synonomous with “epic” and “legendary” although with a somewhat more relaxed connotaion.

Huh. Sounds like this word was born when they chopped the “c” and “h” off of the word “chill”. Aaaanyways….

When I think of the term “ill”, I usually think of sniffles and I don’t mean the Gund bear. Oh wait. That’s Snuffles the Bear. Ooops. Yeah, well, I think of snuffles too.


Sniffles. Snuffles.
To-may-toe. To-mah-toe.
Whatever. Close enough.

SICK

My favorite definition on Urban Dictionary :

OLD VERSION OF SICK

Pronunciation: ‘sik
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English sek, sik, from Old English sEoc; akin to Old High German sioh sick
—————————————
1. Not feeling good.

2 a (1) : affected with disease or ill health : AILING (2) : of, relating to, or intended for use in sickness

NEW VERSION

Now used as the newest word to replace cool. Something that you’ve never seen before.

When I say I’m sick, I mean I’m coughing up green crap from my lungs the color of nuclear waste. Not that I know what nuclear waste looks like but I’ve seen enough episodes of The Simpsons to know that what I’m hacking out of my lungs and blowing out of my nose resembles the stuff Homer has riding on his back when he’s leaving work.

I feel like crap and I sound like a frog crawled down my throat and died. I hurt in places I didn’t know I could hurt. My lymph nodes no longer are the size of miniscule peas because they’ve blown up to the size of friggin’ baseballs. This means I can’t eat or swallow anything that isn’t the consistency of water. On the plus side, this means I get super skinny at the speed of sluggish light. Not the best way to lose weight and I don’t recommend it…although my girlfriends are always like “Hey, Bonnie! I have a wedding / birthday / special occasion coming up. Come here and cough on me!”

I have special friends. ^___^

To get to the bathroom, I roll out of bed, fall flat on my face and inch along my floor on my belly like a 5’7″ worm until I reach the bathroom. ….actually, if you must know, I pretend I’m Scarlett on a crazy recon mission for G.I. Joe because that makes me feel a lot better than thinking I look like an inchworm trying to make my way to the bathroom or, if I can actually stand up, like a zombie staggering my way to wherever it is I’m trying to go.

Sexy, I know.

So do you see why I’m confused as to why people think the words “Sick” and “ill” are a good thing? I’ll be honest and admit that I use words like “sick” and whatever because it just fits. You know what I mean.

Like when you want to come off as all super sexy and vaguely dirty-but-in-a-come-hither-now way, you whisper everything you ever remember learning in 8th grade French into the hopefully receptive ear of whoever it is you’re trying to bring sexy back with. It doesn’t matter if you’re reciting the lyrics to the Les Poisson song in Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”. All that matters is that it’s in FRENCH!


From the movie “Unfaithful” with Olivier Martinez and some lucky woman who got to kiss him.
Oui, oui. Omg….I’m not jealous of her. Nope, not me.
Oh, who am I kidding…I want to photoshop my face on her body.
πŸ˜€

Why French? Because we all know that everything sound sexier in French, especially if Olivier Martinez’s the one doing the whispering. Makes you feel just a little dirty and in need of a silky bubble bath complete with chilled champagne, strawberries and chocolate…oooh yes…

And now I’ve completely forgotten the rest of what I wanted to say. Thank you, Olivier, you delicious delicious man.

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