Do You Think I’m Sexy?

Remember that song? I think the original was by Rod Stewart and I wanted to say in reply “Uh…no. I don’t” but the crusty dude scored a supermodel for a wife so what do I know?


Hm….I do like his overly raspy voice though.

I liked the N-Trance version better. MUCH better.

Anyway, back to the point of my post. I want to talk about what I saw when I hit up Bonsai the other night in Honolulu.


The front. I like.

Quick note about the joint. Nicely done interior, lots of places to sit. That’s super important if you’re like me and think that cute shoes are meant to be admired on my feet and not to stomped around in all night.

The bartenders are hot and friendly. The waitresses are plentiful, extremely friendly, don’t give you attitude and not once did I hear anyone channel their inner Ludacris by yelling “Where’s the waitress at with my drink?!”

The Dj rocked, the music’s good and the crowd is chill. I didn’t get to try the food since I’d be too tempted to eat meat so I just drank my calories. Gotta love a place that serves up Macallan.

So having said that, this is for the ladies.

Ladies. Ladies ladies ladies.

I’m all for dancing sexy. I don’t care if you pretend your girl is that guy you really wish you could get up on.

I don’t care if you and your best girlfriend or some girl you just met swap spit to the point where you have none left.

I don’t care if you pretend the person you’re dancing with (friend, boy, gay bestfriend) is a stripper pole.

I don’t care if you’re dancing by yourself and you think no one’s watching because your eyes are closed.

I say “Have at it!” and have a great time. I don’t like making fun of people but I saw something the other night that I think makes for a good cautionary tale.

I watched this one train accident of a female do her thang all night and now I feel compelled to write this as a public service announcement for those who bear the double X chromosomes.

This Isn’t Football

This female decides to do the touchdown dance. There’s a time and place for everything but mixing football victory dance poses on the dancefloor isn’t one of them.

I wanted to hand her a copy of the movie “Hitch” and be like “Study this, grasshoppah”.

She had one hand planted on the ground, the other hand waaaaay up in the air behind her and her butt looked like it was trying to bob for apples or something.

At least she did it in time to the song playing.

Did I mention she was wearing a dress? Yeah. Oooh dear…

There’s Only One King Of Pop

And he was my friend, Mr.Man, in Vegas.

Kidding.

I understand why boys are always grabbing at their package. Actually, to be completely honest, I’ve no idea but at least they having something to grab.

Females? Nope. We don’t.

But this chick was either confused or thought she was wearing an * ahem * toy because she kept grabbing her crotch and going “OOOooWWWww!”. For the record, the Dj wasn’t spinning Michael Jackson.

So now I’m confused because since I can’t see any other reason for grabbing something while saying “ow”, I’m gonna assume she’s in pain. Not sexy no matter which way you slice it.

The Humpty Dance

Again, I repeat. There’s a time and place for everything. If you want to get your freak on, do so in your own room/car/garage/whatever. I don’t need to see it. Thanks.

This female decides she wants the floor in the worst way. In all my years in a club, I’ve seen some crazy sh!t but I’ve never seen a female hump the floor in an inchworm fashion.

I really didn’t know what to make of it.

I also didn’t know what to do when some poor horny soul decides to take his chances with this special lady. He positions himself in such a way where he’s standing over her head.

She looks up somehow during her interpretation of the Inchworm Mating Dance, sees a boy and decides to inchworm hump her way through his spread legs and dragged her hand along his….stuff. What. The. *#@”!!!

Barefoot Contessa

Nope, this girl wasn’t even close but she got the barefoot thing down.

I don’t know if she thinks like me about the whole cute shoes thing but there’s a graceful way to deal with aching feet.

Taking off your shoes and dancing around barefoot ain’t it.

But you know what’s funny? That wasn’t the OMFG moment. That came when I smelled some body spray in the lounge (Calgon, take me away!!!) and located the source.

She was now sitting back down, pulls out a wad of tissues and was spraying her barefeet with the body spray and wiping them down with the tissues…which she then shoved back into her purse.

….Yeah, I didn’t know what to say…

What About Your Friends?

Remember that song by TLC? I so wanted the Dj to play that because her friends were all sitting down watching her. And laughing.

Look.

Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.

Friends don’t let their friends walk out of the house looking like a hot mess and say “OooOOOh, girl….you look HAWT”.

Friends don’t let friends go home with super shady guys who can’t even remember her name.

Friends don’t let friends go home with shady guys PERIOD.
* hint :: Fellas, don’t be that guy *

Friends don’t let friends make a complete ass out of themselves on the dancefloor while they sit and laugh at them.

All in all, I guess it was a win-win situation. She had a great time, I have something to write about. Sweet. Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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Comments
4 Responses to “Do You Think I’m Sexy?”
  1. Zontiago says:

    rod stewart makes me *shudder* ugh….

  2. all2swift says:

    Holy sh*t! You wrote that entire thing on your blackberry? That inspires me!

    • Miss Bonnified says:

      I did write all that on my boyfriend, my BlackBerry, while I was busy trying to get a tan poolside in Honolulu. I’m talented. 😀

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