Motherly Advice

I went for a facial yesterday which I have also lovingly renamed it as The Hour Of Pain. I swear, getting a facial is supposed to be calming and soothing and all that crap but man…the lady I go to goes to TOWN. I think she has a personal vendetta against any and all skin imperfections. I’ve nicknamed that gigantic magnifying glass with the blazing corona of light around the lens “The All Seeing Eyeball Of Doom”. I’m very afraid of that thing. But you know what I realized? I’m like a little bitch when it comes to dull pain (like when she’s squeezing the $h!t out of my face) but I have no problem when it comes to sharp pain. She thinks I’m weird. Whatever. Actually, I take that back. It hurts like no other for a while but once I’ve crossed the threshold of “I Just Can’t Take Anymore”, I stop feeling anything. THAT’S weird. Maybe I should get inked now and really put that theory to test. ^^

Aaanyway, back to the original programming.

We always have weird conversations whenever I subject myself to her attentions. This is what FacialLady and I talked about yesterday. She was telling me that I shouldn’t settle down just for the sake of settling down. In fact, she thinks I should party it up till I’m about 35 and then ONLY THINK about getting married.

This is the total opposite of what my own dear beloved mother has been telling me. FacialLady likens being married to being buried alive. I told her my coworkers are all busy sniffing out potentials for me and she’s convinced that they’re really just trying to turn me into one of them – Married Pod People. Haa haa haa!

Did I mention that FacialLady is married and her youngest (who is only 22) just went off for med school? This was her motherly advice to her beloved son:

“Son. Good lovers are taught, not born. I don’t care what your friends tell you. They don’t know anything and that is why they are full of talk. Don’t listen to them. Listen to your mother.

This is the one thing that Mommy can’t teach you so Mommy is going to give you a bit of advice. Go find an older Jie Jie (that’s Ajuma for you Koreans, Oneechan for you Japanese people and “older sister/lady” for all you people who are not any of the above) who can teach you a thing or two about what happens behind closed bedroom doors. And pay attention! This way, when you finally do get married, (which hopefully will not be right after med school), you know your wife will think you’re the best thing since fried rice or sliced bread or whatever you guys say now”.

I was about to die laughing because up until recently, most of the residents I know are all so adorable because they were all a little shy and just kind of kept to themselves. But you know what? It’s only the males that are quiet. The female residents I see are pretty all well adjusted. Interesting.

FacialLady agrees because that is what her son is like right now except she took it a step further and said her son is “socially awkward because all he knows is what’s between the covers of a book!!! Now he needs to learn what’s between other kinds of covers and what’s between other things!!” She’s telling me about how he’s never had a girlfriend, thinks girls are weird creatures he can’t figure out and would rather spend his time with his books because girls don’t know what to make of him besides the fact that he’s a walking brain.

I seriously was about to pass out from laughing so hard because I couldn’t breathe. She was really getting worked up over worrying about her son’s prowess as a man during and after med school while she was busy working over my face. Omg…..I can’t handle it……

However, she knows that after he get those happy two letters after his name, MD, she says “It’s going to be ‘The Revenge Of The Nerds’ time for him because all those girls will be doctor hunting him but I know he will be okay in the ladies department if he listens to his mother and finds himself a Jie Jie that can teach him a thing or two about stuff he can’t get from reading those huge textbooks. Oh yes. I have done a great thing for womankind one son at a time. Good thing I only have one son”.

I love my FacialLady.

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Comments
2 Responses to “Motherly Advice”
  1. Cathy says:

    That is too funny. I love coming across strong minded, independent, BRUTALLY HONEST older women like that. You have some hilarious adventures, GIRL!!! We’re LJ homies but I think I may go a step further and add you on twitter. What the hell? I sound like a stalker.

    • missbonnified says:

      Hey, girlfriend!

      w00t for Lj homies! God, talk about back in the day….it’s so sad to see how little of us still remain active on it. I guess it was inevitable that we move on to other pastures, huh? Like how a bunch of us went from Asian Ave to Lj / Friendster to SuckSpace (….I mean MySpace) to WordPress/Facebook. πŸ˜€

      By all means, add away! I like following everyone however I can. It’s the only way I can think of to keep those online friendships strong. Wow, now I sound stalker-ish too! Sweet!

      As for my adventures…yeah….a lot of weird things happen to me. I think it’s Heaven’s way of making ensuring people get their RDA of laughs. ^^

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