Dear Santa

Haa haa haa, this cracks me up every year. No, seriously. This is one of my favorite Christmas songs. It never fails to make me laugh but I’ve no idea why it’s so funny to me.

So after exchanging Secret Santa gifts with my friends at work, I decided to write a list to Santa based off of the lyrics to this song. ^^


Dear Santa,

I’ve been really super good all year. I’ve made grown men cry like babies but I swear it was for their own damn good. You see, it’s all part of the healing process and it’s what I do at work. No, really. I had to go through special training at the hospital to do what I do and I’m only doing it so that they can get better!

So if they write to you and tell you that I was really mean and just like to cause unimaginable pain upon their poor bodies, I’d like to say that they are big fat liars and they hurt my feelings by saying such horrible and untrue things about me.

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Oh Santa, it’s been so so cold this year. As I’m writing this to you, my poor fingers and toes are so cold…I can barely feel the keys underneath my fingertips. Santa, I love animals so instead of a real fur, I’d like really love to have a bunch of super soft cashmere sweaters instead…or coats! Or shoes! Omg, shoes…

Santa baby, a Β΄54 convertible too, light blue
I’ll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

I’m actually really not picky, Santa. I’ll take a convertible in red, black, silver or even white. Really. You know what, Santa? I went to BMW to visit MooMoo with my best friend and I discovered I really really really like the 335 convertible. It goes vroom.

I’d really like to find that in my garage instead of the 54 convertible. Please make sure it’s STICK SHIFT only, Santa. I don’t deal with automatic cars.

Or if cars are just too bulky for you, did I mention I also love bikes? I’m not talking about the ones with the pedals. Here, I’ll even give you a picture of the one I want so that you don’t have to stress yourself out trying to figure out what it is I’m talking about.

This is the 2009 Triumph Daytona Special Edition.

This one is the 2008 Triumph Daytona Special Edition.

I’ll be so happy with either one, Santa. Whichever makes your job easier.

Think of all the fun I’ve missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be o’ so good
If you’d check off my Christmas list
-Bee Doo Bee Doo-

I’ve been really really SUPER DUPER EXTRA GOOD on this part, Santa. I keep my hands to myself because I know how to follow the rules I learned in kindergarten. Actually, you can also ask my coworkers, friends and family how good I’ve been. I keep telling them I’m a delicate Asian Lotus Blossom but I don’t know why always laugh at me. It hurts my feelings, Santa. Make them stop. Thank you.

Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that’s
Not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

I actually don’t know what I’d do with a yacht but if you really want to give me one, I won’t complain. I’m sure I’ll figure out a way to use your gift so that it won’t go to waste.

If you think about it, a yacht really isn’t a lot to ask for. I mean, I’m not asking you to create or even FIND me my own personal private island complete with hairless, gorgeous cabana STRAIGHT boys who have abs of steel I wanna do my unmentionable laundry on or who have the most manly shoulders that would make me summon crocodile tears just so I could have an excuse to lay my fair damsel head on them.

I just want a yacht.

A really spiffy, brand spanking new one with all the bells, whistles and trimmings.

If you just happen find such cabana boys to staff the yacht with, I’ll consider them as icing on the cake.

Santa cutie, theres one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Most girls would ask you for a diamond mine since diamonds are a girl’s best friend but I figured you might be running kind of low on those. Therefore, it’s reasonable to assume that I’ll be making your job SO MUCH EASIER if I just ask you for a platinum mine instead.

Santa baby, fill my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your ‘X’ on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

You see how little I ask, Santa? I only asked for ONE duplex…in Manhattan…and Tokyo…and Honolulu…and Los Angeles.

After all, a girl’s gotta have a place to lay her head at night (besides upon the muscley shoulder of her own personal hairless cabana boy).

As for the checks, don’t you worry. I’ll spend them in a responsible manner. Yes sir, Santa. No frivolous spending for me. I mean, what more could a girl want besides the few little things I’ve listed so far?

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany’s
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Isn’t this the cutest little charm from Tiffany’s? My best friend got me this for my birthday. He knows me so well.

You see how much I love you, Santa? I’m leaving the most fun part of Christmas for YOU to enjoy – the trimming of the tree!

I know you don’t get to do a lot of fun things since so many people are asking you for everything under the sun so I’m making sure you get something more than just milk and cookies.

I’m not just letting you have some fun during your hectic day but it’s even a chance for you to work off all those calories from your snacks. It’s also a creative outlet for you to express yourself in the form of a most splendid Christmas tree! How wonderful!

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don’t mean on the phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight…

As for the ring, well….what can I say, Santa? I’m a girl and I love shiny sparkly things. πŸ™‚ I figure I have to ask for one little thing that doesn’t serve a purpose, right?

Thank you, Santa. I hope all is well for you up there on the North Pole. Please give my regards to Mrs. Claus and to all the reindeer and your elves.

Bonnie N. Clyde

3 Responses to “Dear Santa”
  1. SinoSoul says:

    Almost bought a Daytona 675, until I found my Brutale 910. Brit bikes might be smooth, but Italian limited production bikes are soulful (when they work).

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  1. […] Tuesday, December 22, 2009 Dear Santa […]

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