Craziest New Year’s Eve E-V-A-R

The tamest NYE night I’ve ever had (or that I can remember having because those are two entirely different concepts) was last year. A very small bunch of friends converged at Hobbes’s house on the West side and proceeded to turn it inside out. I can’t remember how many super human sized bottles of Goose and Macallan we went through but we basically drank her house dry. And then we discovered Guitar Hero. Drunken poker is always fun too.

Most other years saw my friends and I at some party a friend was throwing at some venue in Beverly Hills (anyone remember Banger’s parties?), at some club in Hollywood or I was at a club in Hawaii.

But YESTERDAY!!! OMFG….last night was definitely one to go down in my memory as a “Holy Shit” kind of night. Instead of hitting all the parties my friends were at, I decided to take my mom, Obaachan (my last remaining grandparent), my little brother and my sister out for New Year’s Eve. None of know if we’d ever get this chance again and I’m not one for living my life in regret. I can always party with my friends next year or the years after. I don’t know when I can party with 3 generations of family ever again….so we took the chance and converged on the Hilton in San Gabriel.

First of all, allow me to say I now know what our parents are doing when we’re all out ripping the city a new one on New Year’s Eve. They gather in the ballrooms of the Hilton and they do the twist.

I’m dead serious. I can’t remember how many times I’ve heard various versions of “Let’s Do The Twist”. I also lost count of how many times my obaachan (“grandma” in Japanese) asked me if I know how to do the jitterbug, foxtrot or the hanky panky (just kidding on that last one. She didn’t ask me that).

I started watching all these waaaay older people (my sister, brother and I were the youngest people there) and I realized a few things :

Fashionably Weird

Asians from Asia and Asians who grew up in the States dress radically different. I think I nearly went blind from all the sequins crammed on every piece of fabric on the women’s bodies. If sequins were the feathers of some exotic bird, those imaginary birds would all be naked…and extinct. Every female’s body was blinged out to some degree. I was no exception BUT my bling was a small design of tiny rhinestones by the hem of my sweater dress.

One lady in particular was nicknamed DiscoBall by my sister and I. We didn’t call her a DiscoBall because she was built like one (she really was). We called her a disco ball because her skirt looked like an equalizer wrapped itself around her hips and the cardigan she wore was made entirely of black sequins. Oh. Her hooker boots were also blinged out. Yes, the lady old enough to be my mother was wearing hooker boots and a skirt I needed a microscope to see. I was seriously scandalized!

My skirts are pretty much borderline inappropriate when I’m out for the night. It’s not they’re short because my sister can wear them and they fall to a respectable mid-thigh length. But on me…it barely covers my ass. I can’t help it. My legs make up over 50% of my body from heel to iliac crest. That’s my excuse. But DiscoBall’s skirt was beyond anything I’ve ever seen and that’s coming from me. I was like “whoa…these older FOBs have some crazy balls”.

Dance Dance Revolution

So people of my mom’s and grandparents’ generation have fun dances like the jitterbug, the Twist and uh….I don’t know…the Bees Knees or whatever. They can still dance like that at their age and still be respectable.

That got me thinking about what’s gonna happen when our generation gets older. How the hell are we going to dance? Think about it. We don’t have cute, innocent dances like the Jitterbug or the Bees Knees.

Oh no, son.

We have things like :

– the Humpty Dance
– the Roger Rabbit
– Cabbage Patch
– Running Man
– Soldier Boy
– Macarena
– that weird knee jerky thing with the arm behind your head
– booty dancing
– POLE DANCING

The only dance step I can think of that is remotely acceptable to do once we hit the age of 50 and over is the Electric Slide…but I don’t know how many of us at that point can get low like that by the time we hit that age.

Speaking of getting low….

Get Your Freak On

The cutest thing I saw all night was this little grandpa GETTING HIS FREAK ON! The grandma he was dancing with was doing some crazy aerobic routine to “Video Killed The Radio Star”. She was going OFF and Gramps was doing his best to keep up with her.

It was super cute to watch him and then I saw him take a wide stance, put his hands on his knees and then he started getting down. As in, ass out, torso forward and he was dropping it down to the floor.

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

Oh yeah. Part of the night’s entertainment was the belly dancer hired to perform two numbers. I have no idea why they thought it was a good idea to hire a BELLY DANCER for a bunch of FOBs…but they did and it was funny as hell.

First of all, I love belly dancing. I’m also more or less Americanized. I thought it was great. The men thought it was AWESOME! I saw them all turn beet red, giggling like schoolboys and they were all elbowing each other while exclaiming to each other “Omg!! Did you see that?! DID YOU SEE THAT?!” while their wives were pissed beyond belief.

That was so funny to me.

Mic Check, One Two One Two

What do you get when you have a crappy entertainment set up, a karaoke machine, a bunch of Asian parents from Asia and liquor? Sooner or later, the alcohol will hit and then they grow balls.

One such man wanted to get the party started. After drinking a beer and turning an alarming shade of red, I watched as he made his way up to the stage and whisper in the MC’s ear. The music came to a screeching halt and he announced to everyone that he wanted to sing a song. And so he did.

I can honestly say this was, hands down, the most entertaining New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had. This was also the most sober I’ve ever been. Our server was busy chugging champagne straight from the bottle as he poured us more from another. That’s straight up gangster.

So even though there was no New Year’s kiss (hell no am I kissing someone old enough to be my dad or my grandpa) and no friends to get crazy drunk with this year, I’m happy I spent it the way I did. My mom and grandma were so happy. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to start the new decade.

I hope you guys had a great time too. πŸ™‚

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Comments
14 Responses to “Craziest New Year’s Eve E-V-A-R”
  1. Zontiago says:

    that’s so funny. πŸ™‚

    BTW, “that weird knee jerky thing with the arm behind your head” = funky chicken. πŸ˜‰

  2. laurawire says:

    You should have put some pictures up, it would have been nice to see!

    It sounds like a really nice evening though, very different from anything I’ve ever done. Perhaps I’ll try it next year with my grandmother..

    • Miss Bonnified says:

      Hi Laura!

      You’re right. I should’ve posted photos but I was too busy staring and laughing to remember to even take pictures. Oh well…. x)

      It was definitely a nice and wholly different evening from what I’m used to but you know what? It was made all the more special to see how much my mom and grandma were enjoying themselves. If you do try this yourself, let me know how it goes!

      :D,
      Bonnie

      • laurawire says:

        Ha ha, it won’t be for a little while but I’ll try and remember!

        I think everyone’s tiring of the sequin overkill now, which is a shame – I’m not sure I’ll ever have the opportunity to see someone like your discoball woman. Not for a long time anyway.

        x

      • Miss Bonnified says:

        That’s too bad about the sequin thing….it makes for great entertainment.

        Who knows? You might have your own DiscoBall sighting one day! God, I hope so because she totally made my night. I really wanted to spin her around while screaming the lyrics of “You Spin Me Right Round” but managed to control myself. I didn’t think that’d be very nice to do and I’m all about being nice. ^__^

        :D,
        Bonnie

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    “Asians from Asia and Asians who grew up in the States dress radically different.”

    Here is my professional assessment:

    American Asians wear Tommy Hilfiger. Asian Asians wear Hello Kitty.

    • Miss Bonnified says:

      ….I’m screwed. I wear Hello Kitty (sometimes. I know I KNOOOOW) and I’ve never owned a single piece from Tommy. I hate Tommy Girl. I wonder what that makes me. πŸ˜€

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