Trolling Through Facebook

I am loving this song. It’s on endless repeat right now.

My friend Dennis wrote about the top reasons why guys use Facebook to hunt for girls.

Before I get into my response to that, I’m going to explain why I started thinking about this again. So with the new privacy (or lack thereof) settings implemented by Facebook, outside entities have greater access to your information, photos, friends lists, etc.

I don’t add people I don’t know which means I have this weird queue of complete strangers who want to be my friend and I don’t know why. One of them FB mails me the other night saying he enjoys looking at all my photos (…I don’t even want to know what the fuck that means exactly) and wants to know where I live. I wish FB would provide me with a “dislike” button. That would be fantastically awesome. Better yet, they should give me a “Stalkerazzi” button that I can stamp on their profile. THAT would be most excellent. Not that I’d do that or anything. …ehehehe…

That’s the short version of why I started thinking about this again so I dug up my response to Dennis’s post.

Top 10 Reasons Females Respond To Facebook Advances.

10. There is less pressure to remember your name and all those other details from when we met IRL (In Real LIfe….as if the moment we log on to FB, our lives become Unreal. Why did this acronym make sense? Dude, life is life, be it online or not. Right? Hm. I have to think about this one some more). This is all thanks to your Info page. Ta da! Instant memory picker upper.

9. Facebook has, strangely enough, become the new “It” bar to meet people….just minus the liquor and music. Then again, that’s why you have what’s called a mini bar at home and iTunes.

8. We’re not dyslexic and think we’re on Facebook is so much better because instead of meeting complete utter strangers, you’re being chatted up by a friend of a friend which is so much safer! Kindly recognize the tiny hint of sarcasm in that last sentence.

Strangely, this does not negate the potential Creepy factor but we can conveniently ignore that for the time being….unless you are super creepy or turned into a human barnacle. If that is the case, there’s a happy little “unfriend” option we can utilize and then we can show your friend all the emails you wrote us to prove you really are super bizarro. Nice. Not like we’d ever do that. Oh no….. Don’t get all paranoid on us now, fellas. 😀

7. There’s a lot less pressure. A LOT less. It feels more casual and there’s a lot less stress than thinking “Oh my God, is he or isn’t he going to ask me out?” On FB, a lot of females can Jedi mind trick themselves into the following train of thought :

“We’re just friends so it’s no big deal…oh hey! He just asked me out!”.

Another reason why it’s a lot less pressure? We can get back to you at our earliest convenience. When you call, we’re like “Oh God….do I pick it up? Will I seem desperate if I pick up his phone call so soon? But the magic 3 days haven’t passed yet! Wait! So if HE’S calling me before 3 days, then that means HE’S the desperate one because he didn’t follow the rules! Okay, I’m going to pick it up….oh crap. It went to voicemail”.

Yup. A WHOOOOOLE lotta less thinking. This could be a good thing or it could be a very bad thing. We’ll discuss this further another time.

6. Your profile picture is super hot.

5. Our profile picture is even hotter.

4. We don’t have to dress up, put on makeup and get ready when responding to your emails. We can do it in our glasses and pajamas with our hair in rollers but you wouldn’t know that. Brilliant!

3. We can get to know you while totally keeping it on the down low from the other people we’ve met because it simply wouldn’t do to be labeled an attention whore. We can also keep it secret from our significant others (if we have one) because our jealous, psychotic boyfriends/husbands/play thing don’t trust us either!


Oh wait….oh yeah…never mind.

2. It feels a little naughty flirting online because everyone is so much more witty when we get to spend an obscene amount of time crafting titillating responses. It’s like having an awesome conversation in slow-mo time! Dialogue that shouldn’t have exceeded 10 minutes can now be dragged on for over 3 days!

Before Facebook – asking someone out takes only a few moments. You ask a girl out. She says “yes” or “nyet”. If it’s all systems go, you can then set up the date, time and location. You have no idea if she’s really actually busy all those days she says she is because you have no access to her social calendar.

After Facebook – the same exchange can now be dragged on for a week because neither party wants to appear desperate for accepting or agreeing to the terms too soon. Unfortunately, both parties now have access to each other’s social calendars all thanks to a little thing known as “Events”. Damn that little feature.

The art of conversation has truly died and I blame it all on the advent of email, text messaging and IM.

And the Number One reason?

1. We can go shopping through your friends list and pick out the cute boys we’d like to either see ourselves with or our friends with. It’s like shopping for shoes and purses but so much better.

As a side note, if you think at any point I was being serious when I wrote this, you should know by now I take virtually next to nothing seriously. 😀 This was aaaaaaall tongue-in-cheek, baby.

Have a great day!

2 Responses to “Trolling Through Facebook”
  1. Zontiago says:

    nice music taste… 😉

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