Hurts So Good

I got my ass kicked in Pilates today and that got me thinking about some things. Is it just me or does it seem like Pilates has a toe in the realm of S&M?

Think about it. There’s all these weird contraptions with pulleys, various handles, grips and chains. They’re also given interesting names like Cadillac and The Reformer. Let me be the first to point out that the Cadillac bears no resemblance to the car. As for The Reformer, it sounds like something you’d strap some poor soul into during the days of the Inquisition….or if you’ve been really Really REALLY bad and need a spanking or something.


Exhibit One. I believe this is called The Cadillac.
I call it Big Scary Thing


Uh…I have no idea what she’s doing.
I’ve never done this in Pilates class.
Looks kind of kinky to me.


I think this is The Reformer.
I call it Small Scary Thing
.

Once you’re strapped into these machines, your limbs end up being pulled every which way. There are times when I’m wondering if my legs were really designed to do what Pilates says I should do.

And then there’s the instructors. I’ve had my share of instructors. Some were tall. Some were short. All were thin. Some were Asian. Some were white. Some were a beautiful mix of bloodlines. Know what else they all have in common?

They know how to bring on the pain. Wanna hear something sad? I like it. And I faithfully fork over a fistful of money for the privilege of them working me over some more. It’s like a crazy drug and I’m some kind of weird addict. Speaking of addicts, each mistress has their own weird repeat clients who do the same thing. They pay obscene amounts of money to be spanked with paddles, treated like a dog and other crazy crap.

Me? I pay crazy amounts of money to be worked over by a smiling instructor who, at the blessed end of the hour, has managed to turn me into a spent noodle on the floor. And then I make an appointment to do it all over again.

The reason I started seeing the correlation was partly due to my conversation with Tiana yesterday. She’s a New Yorker and one of my closest friends. She was also the one who brought up the point that a dominatrix makes $$$$$ like you would not believe and that she thinks I’d make a really good one. Her point was I bring pain like no other to my patients when I’m work so this wouldn’t be too hard of a stretch for me. She believed in my innate abilities so much she actually ran into the city to find me an issue of the Village Voice so that I could see for myself the kind of moolah these people make.

Hm….tempting….but…..yeah….noooo…….

I’ll stick to getting my ass kicked in Pilates…and if I get REALLY good, I might teach one day. Muahahaha!

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