The Newest Diet – Tapeworm?!

What the fuck….Okay, I joke around and say that I have a tapeworm. His name is Barney the Tapeworm but here’s the thing. He’s imaginary. I made him up when my coworkers wanted to know how I eat like a pig but am not morbidly obese. Ta da, Barney the Tapeworm was born.

Barney the Tapeworm’s kind of taking on a life of his own in a weird way. People stop me to ask how he’s doing and what I’ve been feeding him lately. Ookkaaayy….. πŸ™‚ They want to know how he’s doing so bad, I had to make him a Facebook Account. He’s Barney Tapeworm if you’re curious.

So I’m watching the Tyra Show (sssh….totally my guilty indulgence) and what do I spy with my not-so-little eye? A WHOLE SHOW ABOUT TAPEWORMS!!

It’s not just any old show. Apparently, the newest diet out on the market is the Tapeworm Diet. In case you don’t know what that entails, lemme tell you.

You basically have to swallow a tapeworm egg and become its host.

I’m not sure what’s more disturbing – the fact that this is a very real diet that TOTALLY ILLEGAL or that people are actually doing it.

What’s so sad is that these women are doing it for weight loss. They think they have to be skinny to get a man. They think they have to be skinny to be considered beautiful. They think all they have to do after ingesting the tapeworm and losing their desired amount of weight is to simply expel it after taking some meds.

Here’s the problem. It’s not that easy.


Canine tapeworm.
Why….WHY would you knowingly and willingly want this?!

Fail #1

All the weight they lose will come right back once they expel the organism. This is because they didn’t learn how to eat right. They didn’t learn how to fix the problem and treat the underlying issue. They just slapped a bandaid on it and considered themselves cured.

Fail #2


What part of this says “Yummy?”
Do these people know the eggs they’re swallowing was harvested from POOP or from INTESTINES where POOP is?!

FYI, one of the people who harvest eggs from cows in Africa force feeds them tapeworms and then sacrifices the cow for harvesting the worms. He said they ate the meat after but uh….why would you knowingly eat infected cows?

The tapeworm can break off into other parts of your body in search of food. For example, your BRAIN!! Eeeewww!!!! Argh!! Gross!! * shudder *

Should it get into your brain, the fun really begins!! You can look forward to seizures and newly psychotic behavior to add to your arsenal of Sexy Things To Do With My New Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

Oh yes. If they can also crawl out and down your leg when you least expect it. That’s when the mature worm sheds segments of itself to spread more wormy love around.

Not so sexy.

Fail #3

Darwinism no longer applies to people because I’m hearing people say “I don’t see anything wrong with this diet. I mean, it’s natural….RIGHT?”

What. The. Fuck.

In case you’re wondering, I do NOT think this is a good idea!! Barney the Tapeworm is a figment of my imagination. He is not real. I don’t think this is a good idea and do not think anyone should do this for any reason whatsoever.

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