Adventures In Wedding Planning :: Unsafe Dieting

I’m alive!!! You know how those Vegas commercials tout “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”? I’m here to tell you “Not so fast.” STDs are (not) a gift that keeps on giving so wrap it up, fellas. In case you’re wondering, that’s not what happened to me. I caught a lovely case of the flu with a killer side of pertussis. How I managed that, I’ve no idea. I just know I was on my deathbed for a week and a half.

I felt like my bones were melting from inside my body and I could not stop coughing. Being the eternal optimist, here’s the scrawny sliver of a silver lining I found in my near terminal condition :

Wedding Dress Diet Win

Having the flu meant I didn’t want to eat. All I wanted to do was lay supine on my death bed (aka The Couch) buried under an avalanche of blankets and watch every season of “Say Yes To The Dress”. When I did feel like eating, all I wanted were nacho flavored Dorritos. I have no idea why.

The only problem with eating was I’d fall asleep before I could get food into my mouth. I was so exhausted.

Abs Of Steel

Pertussis is a potentially fatal condition. I coughed so much, I could feel the pressure in my head increase and imagined my lungs were trying to make a run for it. That was the suck-ass part of it.

The strange part of coughing so hard and so much was that my abs got a killer ( har har har ) workout. I now have ab definition again.

All in all, not exactly how I wanted to kick start the Wedding Dress Diet. I’m just happy I’m getting better (thank you, Macrolides and Sizzurp!!) and that I’ve magically shrank by a size or two.

Now to keep it up. I’m guessing that Western Bacon cheeseburger and fried zucchini Clyde bought me from Wendy’s for lunch isn’t helping the diet very much….oops.

Oh yeah. I forgot. So the mutant flu wasn’t the only thing I walked out of Vegas with. Thanks to a great streak at the craps tables, I sashayed out of there with $1300. Score!!!

2 Responses to “Adventures In Wedding Planning :: Unsafe Dieting”
  1. felipe says:

    only for you does something evil and deadly turn into rainbows. haha, you have the midas touch.

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