A Cleansing I Will Go…I think

A new year, a new start. I’ve given a lot of thought about why I have the ants-in-my-pants sensation of needing to make changes to my daily life. I blame it all on a combination of the following :

  • My mom likes to tell me I’m no spring chicken.
  • She also says I’m definitely not a blushing blossom anymore.
  • She likens me more to a droopy flower. So sad.
  • I’m getting older. * sigh *
  • I’m prone to * ahem * digestive issues.
  • I’m married now. That means I’ve fallen off the Wedding Diet wagon.
  • We’re thinking about having kids.
  • Then I read this article about nurses and obesity posted on Facebook by my friend, PattiCake. Oh, HELL NO!!!!
  • My metabolism is no longer like when I was a 20-something and could drink lard without gaining an inch anywhere.
  • Please don’t drink liquid lard. I was totally kidding when I said that.

I know there are no magic fixes. I’m not hunting for the proverbial magic bean that can solve all my problems. I don’t want quick fixes and I don’t want to take the easy way out of getting healthy.

I’m willing to put in the work. I’ve integrated more time in my day for meditation (waking up and thinking “F***!!! I’M GONNA BE LATE!!!” does not count as meditation.

I’ve invested in Yoga and Pilates DVDs. My favorites are from MTV (don’t judge me). Seeing as how the only pose I’ve mastered is Lounging Couch Potato, I’m trying to focus on the mastery of other….more beneficial poses. ^_^

Now that I’ve more or less gotten my spiritual well being started, I’ve started focusing on my physical well being. You know the saying “You are what you eat”. That really got me thinking about detoxing.

I’ve done a crazy detox before with my sister when I was 20. I will never do that again. I think it was pretty dangerous what we had attempted and I don’t know why I ever let her talk me into it!

Now that I’m older and smarter, I’ve looked into healthier ways of detoxing.

Master Cleanse

I’m sure you’ve all heard about The Master Cleanse. I’ve had friends who’ve done it and various famous people have also given it a go.

I, however, will not be joining their ranks. I think it’s pretty dangerous to subject your body to nothing but ascorbic acid, cayenne peppers and sugar in the form of maple syrup. In fact, the only significant source of calories your body will get is from the maple syrup.

I’m thinking this is not a good option for diabetics.

Call me crazy but I’m not about to starve myself of nutrients my body needs.

Photo from themastercleanse.org
I love lemonade.
I don’t love it enough to drink it 24/7 for days on end.
I also don’t love it enough to supplement it with a salt water flush.

I also do not think it’s a good idea to drink a slurry of SALT and water. What the f***? How and why do people think it’s a good idea? Can you imagine what would happen if hypertensive people decided to do this? Good God…

I’m looking to detox, not get thin. Sure, Beyonce was supposed to have gone on the Master Cleanse (aka “The Lemonade Diet”) to slim down for a movie role. I’m glad it worked for her. I do not have a legion of makeup artists and personal trainers to whip my ass into shape to make sure I do not REGAIN all the inches and weight I lost while starving myself for an extended period of time.

This means I will most likely gain all the weight and inches back with a possible added pounds for good measure.

No, thanks. I’ll pass on this one.


I’m really open to the idea of replacing one meal a day with fresh juice.

I desperately want a good juicer but our kitchen right now is WAY TOO SMALL to have any more appliances. I can’t wait to move and have a HUGE, state-of-the-art kitchen.

When I was in my early 20’s and I was training for my first (and only) bikini competition, I worked out 6 days a week, 2-3 hours a day. I was extremely militant about what I ate but allowed myself to have a slice of pizza every couple of weeks.

I also juiced my breakfast. It was a not-so-tasty blend of celery, bitter melon, parsley, carrots, bell peppers and spinach. I added a handful of grapes and one small apple just to make the whole thing palatable. Bitter melon is so good for you but tastes so nasty!! * sigh *

I can’t wait to do this again. However, since I don’t have space for a juicer, I will be exploring other means in the following posts.

2 Responses to “A Cleansing I Will Go…I think”
  1. You know I’m a fan of Pressed Juicery. They deliver every morning too if you want to do a 2-3 day cleanse.

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