Happy Birthday To Me!! I Hit The Dirty Thirty! Part One

In case you didn’t figure it out from the title of this post, I’m now 30 years old. That’s right. Thirty years of running amok on this planet and we’ve both survived so far. That’s fantastically awesome news. To be completely honest, I was just a little unsure of what would happen the day of the big 3-0.

I spent my 29th year fielding a lot of inquiries into how I feel about turning 30. They all said my 20’s are now over but technically, my 20’s aren’t over until I hit 31. That’s the true start of my 30’s but whatever. Minor technical matter.

It seems like people were split into 2 camps. The “OMFG-YOU’RE-30-LIFE-IS-OVER-NOW-AS-YOU-KNOW-IT” group. I’m call them the Drama Freaks from now on. Then there was the “Dude-30’s-Is-The-New-20’s” group of people. I’m gonna call them Party People.

So the Drama Freaks were preaching all the doom and gloom about how my metabolism is gonna go down, my boobs will succumb to gravity, my energy will rival that of my grandparents and I’m going to be all around boring. I listened to what they had to say because everyone deserves that much (….unless you’re medically psychotic in which case I’m supposed to reorient, redirect and hope to God you don’t freak out on me. This is why I don’t work in psych, people) and this is what I came up with.

Eat, Drink And Be Merry

I don’t see why this is such a big deal. If my metabolism goes down, then all that means I have to do with work out a bit more. I used to work out 3 hours a day, 6 times a week for years. If cells truly have memory, then I have that slight advantage in my favor. Besides, I like walking. I like swimming. I got my ass kicked surfing but that was actually pretty fun. I’m pretty active when I’m not being a total lazy slug so I think I’m okay.

I also don’t like super greasy foods. I don’t like fried stuff either. My taste in food runs to lighter fares like sashimi, sushi, Japanese cuisine, Korean food and steamed lobsters. Omfg….lobsters…..

I have to admit to being a complete freak for pizza though. However, even then, I’m pretty good about it because I don’t like deep dish pizza. I like the NY style pizza. The reason for that is simple.

I consider the space in my stomach as valuable real estate. I can only handle so much at a time before I seriously have trouble keeping it all down. Therefore, I view things like rice, pasta and overkill of pizza dough as space wasters. Why on earth would you want to chew on a mouthful of pizza dough anyway?! You can barely taste the toppings!! Silly people.

My other secret weapon? I have an imaginary tapeworm. I’ll introduce him to you guys at a later point. 😀

Do Your Boobs Hang Low

Everything at one point will succumb to gravity. That’s a fact of life. In an effort to battle this, women have been offered an arsenal of weaponary at our disposal. These include but are not limited to :

– everything Victoria’s Secret offers
– something known as the Waterbra
– Dr. 90210

Before you anti plastic surgery people get your panties all in a bunch, I’m not telling women to go under the knife. I’m merely stating the obvious which is that it’s an option. I personally have never had anything enhanced but that’s because I won the genetic lottery. I got lucky.

Battery Low

I don’t know about your grandparents but when my dad’s parents and my mom’s dad was still alive, they were super active and extremely independant. My grandma partied harder than I did/do, my paternal grandfather kept his mind playing mah jong at lightning speed and my maternal grandfather could lap me at the tracks whenever we went for a walk.

Mind over matter, baby. If you can think it you can be it and I know myself well enough to know when I gotta sit my ass down and when I’m ready to party till the sun comes up.

Speaking of the sun coming up, I didn’t sleep for over 30 hours the last night I was in Vegas this past weekend. Yeah. How’s that for low energy levels. ^^


This is the one I couldn’t understand. So just because I hit 30 means I’m boring now? How is that remotely possible? I figure if I was boring to begin with then boring I’m gonna be regardless of what age I am. That being said, if I WASN’T boring to begin with, then my personality is still going to be the same when I’m 30.

After thinking about this for a while, I think I figured it out.

I noticed a change in the places I go. Instead of always wanting to hit up the hottest clubs like when I was in my early 20’s, I like going to places where I don’t have to stand outside for 5 hours before I’m finally let in just in time for the bar to call last call.

Clubbing is no longer a full time job….as in, I’m not out shaking what my Momma gave me 6 times a week. I’ll go out once or twice a week instead. I’ll even mix it up with doing things that don’t involve getting drunktarded every night….like catching a movie and then hitting a lounge after.

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